You
God always speaks in mysterious ways.
I have been feeling a bit more lost and confused lately. Rationally, I know this is a natural side effect of moving and reinventing your whole life in a different state, but emotionally it can still feel like walking through a cave with no flashlight.
This morning I just sat quietly, holding my baby for hours, looking out at the water, thinking, “I should really be working on my to-do list.”
But I just felt compelled to stay there.
Doing a whole lot of nothing.
Somewhere in the external silence of the world and the internal clamor of my mind, a song came to mind.
“Beautiful Things” by Benson Boone.
A song I’ve heard so many times, but one lyric was standing out:
“There is no man as terrified as the one who stands to lose you.”
In a moment of clarity — typically what God feels like to me — I realized He was talking to me.
God is terrified of losing me.
The choice is mine and not His. He is always choosing me, but am I always choosing Him?
In the garden, God didn’t mandate Eve to love Him. He gave her a choice, and she chose the illusion of control.
That’s a tempting apple, especially in a season with a whole lot of “I DON’T KNOW.”
Shortly after, my thoughts drifted to, “I’m not really someone worthy of that lyric. I lack so much virtue… maybe He is referring to a future, more refined version of me.”
Immediately after that thought, I raised my voice at my daughter for no reason because my patience was a 0/10… definitely not someone you should be terrified of losing…
Then the song came on in the car.
Then the song came on at my appointment.
Then I was in the bath with my daughter, and I went forehead to forehead with her, and the lyric came into my mind again. Naturally, I sang it to her.
And when I say it to her, mannnn do I really mean it.
“There is no man as terrified as the man who stands to lose you,” because, well, she’s everything.
Boom.
Another moment of clarity.
“That’s the way I see you,” God says.
That’s the way He sees you too. The perspective I have of my daughter’s wonder and worth is the light He holds me in.
“There is no man as terrified as the man who stands to lose YOU.”
It’s our choice. Every day we choose to live for God or for control, and wow, do you matter to Him.
